Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs on earth. Being a step-parent is even harder. Many second marriages with blended families fail for this very reason.

What often adds to and makes the situation worse are unrealistic expectations. The challenges facing a step-parent are indeed very widespread, with over 1 million Americans becoming step-parents each year.

There are bound to be some rough spots, at least initially, but you can make things a little easier by being prepared. Here are some tips to help smooth the transition to a new blended family and to help you adjust to new role as step-parent.

Allow time and space for the initial adjustments. Give kids the time and space to mourn the loss of their original family. This could mean mourning or grieving for a parent lost through divorce/death or perhaps facing the loss of your undivided attention. It is natural for a child to feel threatened and resentful of your future spouse. In the case of divorce your marriage to someone new means that any hope, no matter how small, that their biological parents were going to reunite has been dashed. Allow everyone some time to get over the past before beginning anew.

It is vital that you and your future spouse sit down and discuss some serious financial considerations and come to mutually agreeable terms before you marry. Housing, food, medical and dental bills, college & other educational activities and enrichment are all expenses that need to be fully discussed. Who will be paying for what? You, your new spouse or ex-spouse? Often a simple written agreement will clarify misunderstandings and prevent hurt feelings.

Deal with your own negative feelings about raising someone elses kid. If the negative feelings are very intense seek some form of counseling before you tie the knot. If you are already married remember that its never too late to seek help.

A fantastic FREE mini e-course on being a good step-parent can be obtained by sending a blank e-mail to stepparent@freeautobot.com